Both my parents died in the past three years and I have a very hard time with Mothers day
and Fathers day. It just reminds me of all I have lost. Most of my friends still have living
parents so they don’t understand. How can I get over this?
I DO get it. Please accept my condolences. I remember the first time a friend referred to me
as an ‘orphan’, a shocking term that I had not ever considered, yet it was accurate. I was
painfully aware that the person who knew me before I was me, was gone forever.
There is a book that I have found particularly helpful for people like us….Nobody’s Child
Anymore by Barbara Bartocci. Written for adult children whose parents have died, it offers
information with compassion and validation for the wide range of emotions that come with this
For the upcoming holidays, what can you that would honor your parents and also provide
comfort to you? What were their interests, hobbies or ‘causes’? Perhaps a service project or
donation to a relevant charity could be your way of paying forward the love. Maybe a trip to
the cemetery or a beautiful park or garden would give you comfort and beauty. Maybe
donating books to a library or in my case, bags of dog food and toys to a rescue group. Do
what works for YOU.
As to your ‘getting over it’, consider reframing that thought and goal to ‘getting through it’.
Grief does not have a neat, clean finish line. It is a process that may continue to unfold for a
very, very long time as memories surface and the moments we would have shared present
them self. And so we meet them.